I have to be honest, my heart is still broken and although I've signed myself up for Dressage again on the 9 Jan, I'm not really 'there' mentally. Freddie is very spicy. He was going brilliantly and I'd signed myself up for Novice dressage feeling confident of giving it a fair go. But then he became a little be stuck. A treatment on the 31 Dec made me feel like there was loads of time to still give Sunday a go. However, he's still a little sticky and I can't decide if he's still just 'loosening off' or if it's my emotional lethargy.
Half of me wants to quite and half of me wants to go because I think it will give me a 'pick me up'. I'll playpen him on Friday to get some fizzle out.
People tell you to 'be kind to yourself' but there's no roadmap to feeling better, it would be easier if there were. I just feel so sad :( But if I don't get myself beyond the sadness then what's the point?
I need to remind myself how well we did last year. We lived two dreams - I wanted to do the 80/85cm show jumping at Hartpury champs - and we did it! I wanted to event - and we did it!. He started last year with a 68% dressage test from online and at 67.59% out. He's come so far. It's time to enjoy it again....